


The monster - I mean mother - that lurks in the dark.

by IWillNotGoGentlyIntoThatGoodNight (Menochange)



Series: The Truth About Perception [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Amnesia, Bat Brothers, Bat Family, Batfamily Feels, Bruce is trying to be a good parent, Damian Wayne Feels, Damian Wayne Needs a Hug, Damian Wayne-centric, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, Poor Damian Wayne, Reference to Canonical Character Death, Talia is scary, Unreliable Narrator, and kinda shit mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-07 08:17:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15904437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menochange/pseuds/IWillNotGoGentlyIntoThatGoodNight
Summary: Damian Wayne is a fourteen year old amnesiac who has no idea what is going on in his life.Between his horrible school life, his suspicions that he is in fact a horrible person, the secrets his family is keeping, oh and not to mention the fragmented memories that scare him to his very core (and are probably going to cause a mental break sometime very soon), he honestly doesn't have time for any other drama at the moment.Enter the woman from his nightmares.Sequel to More Than This.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again, Here is the sequel to More Than This.  
> It picks up pretty much were that one leave off timeline wise :)

Today was already not a good day.

Kids were assholes, even without his memory intact he knew that this was a fact. The only difference now was that he no longer had a frame of reference from which he could draw upon into how to effectively deal with them. If he was being completely honest, his school work was laughably easy – he had figured out quite early on that he was somewhat of a prodigy – and he didn’t need to focus all that hard in class – even with his most minimal of effort he was still soaring high above his peers, and at times his teachers; which was somewhat disappointing.

No, his real challenge in school was his interpersonal skills, his peers were for lack of a better word idiots. They were horrid on every level imaginable and weren’t really trustworthy – something he found out the hard way. But he was trying to be good, he wasn’t going to worry anyone with anything as trivial as a little hazing and maybe he deserved it. He hadn’t known it when he was first sent back to school but he knows now that he is or was (the semantics are confusing for obvious reasons) a monster and a horrible person so maybe he had done something that warrants this behaviour.

Given all he knows about his past self, it’s hard to imagine that he would have kept quiet about everything wrong with school from the actual content to the uncultured imbeciles that populated it (teachers included). That his father kept sending him here despite everything, and the fact that it is so far away from Gotham only reinforced the idea that this was a punishment (one that they chose to continue regardless of his current mental state) or perhaps it meant something else entirely, something much worse – He’s been trying to avoid thinking about it. Scared that his thoughts, the ones that cause the gnawing feeling (the one that grows worse every moment he spends in that hellhole) that he feels deep down to the very pit of his stomach is right. This wasn’t a punishment nor was it feelings of hatred or distain that have placed him in this situation but rather apathy. It’s recent, this idea he has been tossing around for a while now; his father doesn’t actually care about him – that Damian was unwanted and unloved, a child kept due to circumstance rather than actual want.

It’s not because of anything current, everyone in his life at the moment has for the most part been amazing – at least to his face – they are all so attentive and kind, they all seem to care about him even Jason – who sometimes says weirdly uncomfortable things or makes jokes that goes over his head – is kind to Damian in his own way. It wasn’t them, it was him.

He had been contemplating over this for a while, if he was being honest it all started with a memory, one that he has no context for. It was like a scene from a movie (‘Damian Wayne’s shitty life, coming soon to a theatre near you, every viewer gets free feelings of worthlessness and angst. Yay.’), ten year old Damian sitting alone in his room talking to himself about running away, about how alone he was, how no one trusted him. He had no friends, no home and nothing good was going to come out of staying in Gotham. He remembers missing Richard and wishing he was still around, feeling abandoned because his brother had left. Alone with a father who he didn’t know, a man who hated him (a man who loved and wanted Drake more than his own blood son), Damian wanted to cry – but he wouldn’t because he was better than that, he was trained better than that, he wasn’t weak. He wasn’t.

The scene itself seems easy enough to understand, it’s just everything else that’s confusing. He doesn’t know why his father hates him (that’s a lie, he knows why but he doesn’t want to believe that his father knows the truth. That his father knows he is a monster too), he doesn’t know why his brother was looking after him or why Richard left, abandoning Damian when he needed him the most. He doesn’t know why he felt so alone or if he ever stopped.

Was it even an accident? Or was it something else? What even happened the night of the vague event no one ever seems to talk about, the one that left him venerable and memories crippled? Gotham was dangerous but an explosion should have meant a news story. Not to say that there wasn’t one, it just wasn’t one with any mention about the Wayne until days later when an anonymous source reveals that he was moved from the hospital to recover at the Manor – Damian looked up the date the ‘accident’ occurred on the internet and found nothing at all which was weird, logically he knew it wasn’t unheard of for rich people to pay absurd amounts of money to cover things up, but something just didn’t feel right, there were too many gaps. – he knows he shouldn’t be thinking like this, doubting everything that he was told but there is a little voice inside his head that is telling him that something is wrong. Alarm bells are silently going off in his mind trying to draw his attention to this thing he’s missing but he has no idea what he’s looking for. He wonders if any of this has to do with the family secret. The one he’s being left out of. He isn’t sure he wants to know either, his life at the moment is complicated. Even on a good day he feels off, like an understudy trying to fill a role he was never supposed to play.

He hates it, but what’s worse is that there are also times that he doesn’t actually hate it as much as he wants to. He’s off centre and confused at the best of times but for the most part, he feels loved. Even with the doubts, the fragmented and somewhat confusing memories and the fear that lives inside him due to the ever present knowledge that he was a horrible person, he feels loved. It doesn’t matter that they may be faking it or subtly punishing him by sending him to a horrid school, when he is home, there are people always around, people who at the very least are good at making him feel wanted. They may be wary of him, they many call him names and may even secretly hate him but they listened to him, gave him attention and never deny him physical contact when he asked or initiated it (in fact Richard seem to welcome it and had even begun to initiate any and all sort of affection from hugs to forehead kisses whenever they are in the same room).

He liked being around them, they made him feel special, safe and wanted. When he was with his family all his doubts fell away – not gone, never gone, just hiding, waiting for him to be alone once more to smother him in his fears and insecurities – he didn’t feel alone and unloved, in those moments he wasn’t a monster. He could just be.

Which is why he is whistling happily whilst he walked through their opulent front door on Friday afternoon, a relieved smile on his face and a spring in his step. Even though it had been a horrible day at school – Jordan Toll had proven that one person _could_ live up to every jock stereotype in a single afternoon and Mr Barker was an ignorant prick, so full of shit that he should not be allowed anywhere near the future minds of this country (even ones as dismal as his classmates) – things were starting to look up, he had a whole weekend away from that hell hole and there were people at home (he could tell by the multitude of vehicles that littered the front of the manor).

He arrived  – courtesy of Mr Pennyworth, who if nothing else was a delightful conversationalist, especially compared to the morons he is schooling with – to find his brother Timothy seated on the sofa of the entertainment room, the older boy was half working, half critiquing Stephanie’s (Who may or may not have previously dated Tim and may or may not currently be dating his sister, Cassandra – although this is all speculation rather than fact based on the way the all seem to interact with each other. He was most likely wrong though just based on the fact that things should be more awkward if this was the case) choice in TV show – which, if he was being honest actually wasn’t that bad in comparison to Jason. Stephanie for her part is half sprawled upon his previously mentioned sister (Who seemed to be making her way through what looked to be a whole chocolate cake) but is using her legs to kick her way into Timothy’s personal space (see mixed signals, although he supposes that they could all perhaps be in relations all together but how would that even work? Wouldn’t that be somewhat incestuous? He did google his family the first moment he was left alone once he was back from the hospital so he is aware that none of them are related, however this whole situation still somewhat confuses him)

All three of the room’s occupant’s look up at his arrival and greeted him with a chorus of hellos and warm smiles. Damian – despite his horrid day – finds himself grinning back. Kicking of his shoes haphazardly, he drops his school bag at the door before he vaults himself over the sofa, landing so that his body was sprawled between Stephanie and Timothy – who’s quick reflexes stopped Damian from braining himself on the older boy’s laptop as he rested his head on his lap.

“Dami! Tell Timmy that he is wrong! Love Island is not trash, it is _quality_ TV!” Steph grinned at him, the amusement in her eyes told the fourteen year old that she was trying to rile Tim up.  

“It’s actually not that bad” Damian conceded, voice soft. He didn’t want to get involved and overstep his bounds, making Tim uncomfortable – more so than their current positions were anyway (although Tim didn’t flinch away this time which was a plus for Damian’s haphazard attempt at aversion therapy) – was not his goal.

“Not you too! Please tell me you don’t watch this crap. It’s so stupid!” Tim moaned, banging his head on the back of the couch dramatically, although Damian swore he saw the older boy’s lips twitch in amusement.

“Sorry Tiny Tim. The majority have spoken. Just wait till Jason gets here, we are going to hold a Love Island marathon!” Stephanie cackled, stealing a bit of cake from Cassandra who smiled as Damian caught her eye.

“Jason’s coming over?” Damian asked raising his voice to be heard over Tim’s loud groan.

“Yeah, B wants us to team up tonight for… this… big…. project… that… we are all working on… for Wayne Industries… Hey kiddo why don’t you go get changed out of your school uniform and then come hang out with us. We can play videogames of something” her smile looked somewhat forced as she gently pushed his legs off of the couch.

Damian dutifully pulled himself off the couch, grabbing his bag and shoes before he started to head to his room.

“Smooth.” He heard Tim scold and Damian paused to listen in from the base of the stairs.

“Bite me, Drake! Look, I forgot that the kid… ”

“Ahem” Damian missed the rest of the conversation as he snapped his attention to the doorway to his right. “Master Damian, I do believe that it is not polite to listen in on other people’s conversations” Alfred reprimanded.

He flushed under the butler’s attention, ducking his head down in embarrassment.

“Sorry, I was just…” he trailed off unsure how to explain away his actions, without confirming Alfred’s suspicions about his eavesdropping.

“Heading up to your room to change, young sir? I dare say it wouldn’t do to be lounging around in your school uniform. We wouldn’t want it to crease, now would we?” Alfred smiled at him knowingly as Damian nodded in relief.

“Yes! I’m just going to go and do that… right now” Damian dashed halfway up the stairs before he realised that in haste he had been rude. He turned on his heel – so sharply that the only thing stopping him from toppling over seemed to be pure reflex – to face the older man, smiling embarrassed he had been caught “Thank you, Pennyworth” Without waiting a response he darted up the stairs and didn’t slow until he reached his room.


	2. The fear the lives inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damian decides to eavesdrop again and ends up getting more than he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this ended up being a lot longer (and heavier) than I expected.  
> The next one will be fluffy... maybe... it may also be super angsty because I'm a sucker for Drama.

It was as he was about to walk back down the stairs that Damian heard raised voices coming from down the hall. He knew he shouldn’t eavesdrop, especially since he had just been caught doing the same thing just a little while ago. It wouldn’t be right, but… was it really eavesdropping if he just happened to walk by and overhear whatever they were saying? They were talking really loud so it technically wasn’t his fault.

Damian smiled to himself – internally applauding his ability to circumvent the rules – as he quietly made his was down the corridor, towards his father’s study. Only to find – as he turned left at the end of the hall – that he wasn't the only one in the house who heard the arguing. Timothy, Cassandra, Jason and Stephanie were all practically on top of one and other, as they pressed themselves tightly against the door of the study. Cassandra frowned when she saw him, opening her mouth to say something when all of a sudden the door they were leaning on abruptly opened and the four of them tumbled into the room.

There was a pause – as though the occupants of the room had also been startled by the sudden turn of events – before he heard his father’s exasperated sigh, soon followed by a canopy of voices which echoed down the hall as they all tried to speak at once. 

Taking advantage of the unintentional diversion caused by the others, the fourteen year old quickly slipped out of his shoes. His socks – along with the chaos that emanated from the room – muffled the sound of his footsteps as he crept down the hallway towards the door. He peeked his head cautiously over the open door frame trying not to draw any attention to his presence. Unfortunately, his endeavour was in vain as the sight before him was apparently too ridiculous for him to handle.

Not only were the four eavesdroppers were still tangled on top of each other in a frankly amusing heap (Stephanie, Timothy and Jason struggling to free themselves and argue with each other and his father at the same time – Cassandra seemed to be the only one who was not only quiet but also quite close to freedom) but somehow Richard had gotten himself involved (Damian suspected that his older brother had been the one to open the door and as such been the unfortunate victim of circumstance). The oldest boy was now buried beneath them all, limbs splayed and body contorted in a position which looked uncomfortable and would have been concerning if any other person (actually Damian wasn’t sure why he found the scene hilarious rather than concerning because logically the human body shouldn’t be able to bend in such ways). As it was the scene was unexpectedly hilarious and Damian found himself uncontrollably amused at the very sight – which unfortunately blew his cover as all eyes turned to watch him collapse to the ground caught in a hysterical fit of giggles.

“Damian” He heard his father call as he tried (and failed) to compose himself once more only to catch sight of his siblings once again. He clutched at his stomach as he rolled on the ground laughter still bubbling inside of him, his eyes started tearing and his stomach ached but the amusement never left him.

“It’s not that funny brat!” Jason called just as he was beginning to calm down and Damian could just imagine his scowling face (which was currently caught between Richard’s feet and Timothy’s armpit) which set the young boy off again.

“Damian” a female and oddly familiar voice called out and it took him a moment to place where he had heard it but once he did his laughter stopped abruptly. The amusement he felt only moments ago drained away leaving behind cold, hard dread in its place.

It couldn’t be.

This wasn’t real.

This must be a nightmare.

He was asleep. Right. He had to be.

She wasn’t…She was…

She’s real.

She’s here. He was not asleep. Holy shit, _she’s here!_

_She’s here. She’s real. She’s come to get me._

The thought echoed deafeningly in his mind, over and over so loudly that no other thought seemed to get through as fear gripped him.

He felt his anxiety rise as he got a glimpse of the woman and his fears were confirmed. It was her, the woman from his nightmares – His mother. All at once, his world came crashing down ( _She’s here. She’s real. She’s come to get me._ ), he felt his heart beating uncontrollably – as though it were trying to escape from his chest and run far away, and honestly Damian would try and do the same if only his body would listen – he felt his lungs constrict and throat begin to close up as he struggled to breathe ( _She’s here. She’s real. She’s come to get me_ ), tears once again welling in his eyes as he started to shut down ( _She’s here. She’s real. She’s come to get me._ ). He heard voices but he couldn’t understand what was going on, He couldn’t hear anything over the pounding of his heart and the voice screaming in his mind ( _She’s here. She’s real. She’s come to get me_ ). His vision started to go hazy and he felt strong arms wrap around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. Calm voice indecipherable but soothing in contrast to the chaos that had taken hold of his brain. He curled himself into the warmth of the body around him, using it as a shield between him and the woman.

 

Jason.

 

His mind eventually supplied, as his breath started to even out and his heart started to slow down enough that he wasn’t able to feel each beat harshly against his rib cage.

He was curled up against Jason.

“You alright Brat?” The older boy asked quietly and Damian nodded in response – even though he wasn’t sure he was, not really – unsure whether his voice would comply should he try to talk.

“You don’t have to be alright, you know? Panic attacks are never fun” Jason responded still whispering and Damian could feel the older boy’s arms tighter around him as he half-heartedly tried to protest.

“Kid, trust me. I’ve had enough panic attacks at this point to recognise when someone else is having a shit time.” Damian sniffed taking a deep breath as he started to pull away and unbidden the image of Jason looking down at him, with something akin to a mixture of pity and empathy shining in his eyes as they sat together on a bench – _“I know you don’t think anyone can possibly understand what you are dealing with. But me, Grayson and Tim? We’ve all been where you are now Damian.” And even though he huffed and postured externally, internally despite himself Damian felt some of the pressure in his chest alleviate, he wouldn’t admit it but Todd wasn’t so bad. If he had to be stuck with these annoyances that called themselves his brothers, Damian supposed it could have been worse._

Damian jolted as he realised that, that hadn’t been him, well it had, but not really. That had been a memory, the thoughts and feels of the boy he used to be.

“Kid?”

“I… I am… Thank you.” Damian looked up pulling away “I’m fine.” He felt his cheeks warm in embarrassment as he realised that everyone was once again watching his every move.

“Damian” the woman called out to him once again as the teenager pulled himself slowly off the ground and out of his… Todd’s… Jason’s hold. This time when he looked up in the woman’s direction he was more prepared.

“Talia, enough” His father commanded voice deep and gravelly but the woman smiled wickedly at him before her attention was once again on Damian.

“He is mine beloved, you can’t keep him from me”

 At her words Damian felt his heart once again start its incessant pounding, adrenaline coursed through his veins as his hands started to shake. He turned his gaze away from the woman, trying not to freak out again. His eyes darted over the other occupants of the room, Jason – who was still on the floor watching him in concern –, Cassandra – who had moved slightly in front of them both in a protective gesture – Stephanie, Timothy – both of whom had at some point untangled themselves from their previous positions and were now hovering close by – then at his father who had moved out from behind his desk, staring somewhat intensely at him – and suddenly he felt a little braver, surrounded by these people who were so overtly worried about him, these people who seemed to care. He was still scared, don’t get him wrong, he was terrified but he also didn’t feel alone.

The woman smiled – in a way that should have been reassuring but sent shivers down his spine – taking a step forward ignoring the others as she watched him intently “Damian, your father has informed me of your situation so I understand that you do not remember who I am. My dear heart, I am your…”

“I… I know who you are” Damian cut in and it was only because his eyes were staring back at her so attentively that he saw something flash across her face before it was replaced with the smile once more.

“You remember me? That is wonderful darling. Your father didn’t mention any memory recovery. I was under the impression that you hadn’t remembered anything. Obviously I would be the first person you remember my child, you did spend most of your life in my care.” At the word ‘care’ Stephanie snorted loudly and Talia shot her dirty look before her eyes met Damian’s once again “It’s only recently that your father insisted that you lived here, before that you hardly knew the man. So I understand how confusing it must have all been, with only your father and his… brood of street urchins. I don’t know what nonsense my beloved has been telling you but it’s alright, I’m here now. You are my son, there was no way he could keep you from me.” She shot his father a look but the man was still staring at Damian frowning, as he opened his mouth to say something only to be cut off by an angry scoff.

The fourteen year old turned looked to his left just in time to see Timothy angrily step forward towards Talia.

“Stop lying to him Talia, you don’t care about him. You don’t care about anyone other than yourself! Just because he has amnesia doesn’t mean that you can come here and pretend that you were the mother of the year.” Tim seethed glaring

“Woooh. You tell that bitch, Timmy!”

“He is my son! You…”

“By blood sure, but if we are being honest you are a shitty mother. For God’s sake Talia you had him….” Tim started to yell only to be cut off.

“TIM-BORINE. That’s enough. I get that you’re angry, we all fucking are! But honestly the kid doesn’t need this shit right now. Reign it the fuck in.” Jason cut the younger man off as Stephanie cheered Tim on from the sidelines still glaring viciously at his mother as she spoke. 

“Come on Jason! Tim is right, we can’t let her get away with pretending…”

“I’m not saying we should, and maybe you should butt the fuck out considering this is a fucking family issue and you’re making shit worse by…”

“Fuck off! You’re the one who goes around constantly saying that you’re not…”

 Damian was so focused on the scene that he jumped as he felt warm arms wrap tightly around him.

“You okay little D?” came the soft whisper against his ear and he melted into the embrace at once recognising the familiar presence that was his oldest brother. He sniffed quietly closing his eyes as something in his gut uncoiled and the tension he hadn’t been actively aware of bled from him in relief.

“Where were you?” He didn’t mean to sound so accusing but there had been a little voice in the back of his mind – one he had been trying to ignore – that taunted him since he recovered from his panic attack and instinctively realised that Richard wasn’t there. Safe in the embrace of his brother Damian realised that he had been worried that the older boy had left not wanting to deal with him, thinking that he wasn’t worth all the drama.

“Sorry Dami, You collapsed and I panicked – apparently hovering in a, and I quote ‘f-ing annoying and unproductive manner’ – so B sent me to find Alfie. Took me a while though because he was all the way at the back of the… greenhouse doing some stock take and once I realised that I had to take the long way around. I’m sorry I worried you.” His brother squeezed him tighter, sounding honestly apologetic.

The voices around them seemed to get louder – and angrier – and Damian suppressed the urge to clamp his hands over his ears and hide, instead he tried to push himself closer to Richard with little success.

“I’ll tell you what Babybat. We don’t need to be here for this. Why don’t you and I go watch a movie? Anything you want. I’ll make us some hot chocolate and we’ll steal some of Cassie’s special chocolate cake. How does that sound?” Richard asked quietly picking up on his obvious distress.

Damian took a shuddering breath trying not to cry, he really didn’t want to be here. The teen looked up at his older brother, trying to speak even as his voice failed him. Honestly he didn’t care what they did. Anything that took him away from here sounded amazing. Mr Pennyworth was right he shouldn’t have been eavesdropping. He should have been content staying in the dark. He was never going to spy on anyone ever again.

His brother seemed to understand (like he always seemed to. Out of everyone Richard seemed to know him the best, sometimes – most of the time, if he is being honest – even better than Damian knew himself, which probably shouldn’t be that surprising all things considered) and picked him up like a child – even though Damian thought he was clearly too big for Dick to do so – allowing the teenager wrapped his arms and legs around the older boy like a monkey as he was encased securely in Richard’s soothing scent and warm embrace.

“What are you doing to my child?” Talia asked clearly outraged as the action seemed to draw the attention of everyone in the room.

“We’re leaving. Dami doesn’t need to put up with any of this bullshit, especially yours Talia. He is going through a hard time right now and none of this is helping. I said it before and I’ll say it again, if you care about him, even just a little, then you’ll stop whatever it is you’re trying to pull right now and just leave.”

“Language Master Richard. However I do agree. I think that’s quite enough. This environment is detrimental to Master Damian’s wellbeing.” Alfred cut in as Talia opened her mouth to disagree.

“Dick is right. Talia, this was a mistake. You need to leave.” His father final spoke up turning to the woman who glared angrily at them all.

“HE IS MY SON! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME. I AM HIS MOTHER.” She raged taking a step towards Richard only for Cassandra to step forward, placing herself between them as she silently warned Talia not to take another step closer.

“Richard, put me down” Damian whispered quietly as the two women stared each other down across the room. He realised that whilst he was scared and really, really wanted to leave there was a small part of him which wanted answers. He needed to know if the nightmares were real, if she really did the thing he was trying so hard to not think about.

“Dami?”

“Please Richard. I want to leave but, I need to…”

“Okay. I mean I don’t like it BabyBat but okay. Whenever you do want to leave, I’m ready. We can do something fun like watching the Greatest Showman!” The Dick grinned but despite the older boy’s best efforts Damian noticed that it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Just for that I’ll take my time here” Damian groaned playfully in response – which was the expected reaction to the movie as they had already watched it like fifty times since Damian had woken up sans memories. Richard claims that it was his favourite movie but the way the older boy laughs every time Dami agrees to watch it says otherwise – not really feeling it but willing to pretend like facing his mother wasn’t the most terrifying thing he had ever done in his life, for his big brother.

Damian felt his feet wobble as he was set down once again and held tightly onto his brother’s arm as he willed his body to cooperate. He wasn’t weak. He could do this.

He turned around facing away from his oldest brother once more as the arguing continued. He stepped forward, giving his sister what he hoped was a reassuring grin as she looked at him clearly worried. She gave him a small smile ruffled his hair as he passed by her coming to stand between his father and Timothy, only a few steps away from his mother (which was way too close all things considered. But he was strong. He could do this).

“Dearest. You have seen reason, away from the circus trash. Obviously as your mother, I know what’s best for you.”

“Talia” His father growled at her but she once again ignored him, focus still on Damian.

“You don’t have to stay here my son. You could come home. Be with me. We can be a real family, like you always wanted. I love you and only you, unlike your father who takes in street rats. The same trash who try to undermine, belittle and usurp your position. Your blood. You don’t mean anything to them, you are a weapon sheathed because they do not understand your true potential. But I’m here now, Damian. Mother loves you. You don’t need them anymore.”

“Stop spreading your vitriol shit you psychotic bit- Witch.” Steph yelled angrily but Damian ignored her, he doesn’t fully understand what his mother is talking about but it doesn’t matter. There is only one thing he needs to know right now.

“Mother” Damian cut in before Stephanie could continue talking, he paused steeling himself to give voice to the question he had been too scared to ask since he first remembered and relived that horrible night. “W…Why?”

“Dearest?”

“Why would you do it? Why did you… Why mother why?” he whispered barely managing to chock the words out.

“Dear heart. I don’t know what…” Talia began but it was like suddenly the dam had been broken and Damian couldn’t stop his words even if he wanted to.

“HOW COULD YOU? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY MOTHER. I ASKED YOU TO STOP IT. WHY WOULD YOU, MOTHER. WHY WOULD YOU KILL ME” Damian couldn’t stop. Months of bottled up emotions came flooding out and suddenly he was yelling, body shaking as he demanded his answers. “YOU LET HIM KILL ME, YOU LET ME DIE MOTHER. I TRUSTED YOU AND YOU…YOU…WHY WOULD YOU…WHY MOTHER? WHY? WHY…WHY...WHY…”

“Damian" it was his father who reached out to pull the hysterical teenager toward him but Damian resisted, turning instead to face the man. The anger that had burned inside him whilst facing his mother leaving behind the fear and defeat as Damian finally voiced the things that deep down he knew all along to be true.

“She…. She k-killed me father, and …. And _you_ let her come here. I don’t understand. Why would you do that? Why is she here, why is she allowed here if she was responsible for my death? Do you not care? Is that why you send me to that school, w-where everyone is so mean and I’m so alone?  Were you happy I was gone? Is…is she here to…to…do you want me gone? Do you not love…”Damian was unable to finish his whispered questions as his chest tightened against the words in his chest – not wanting to give voice to his fears but desperately needing answers – he tried to look at his father, but his vision was blurred through the tears as he wrapped his arms around himself feeling venerable.

He wanted to leave. He wanted Richard, this was a mistake. He shouldn’t have stayed. They were going to tell him that they were all pretending. That they wished he had died in that ‘accident’ so that they would finally be rid of him. That they brought her here to finish the job.

He was a monster, how could he ever believe anyone could love him.

“Shit” he heard someone mutter before he was pulled once again into warm arms “Hey, hey… its ok, you’re ok. Damian, I promise it’s alright. Bruce loves you, we all do. Can you take a deep breath in for me? In and out, just like that. Good boy, you’re doing so well” Timothy continued to mutter soothing meaningless words in his ear as he sobbed messily against the older boy’s chest.

He heard Richard’s voice and reached a hand out blindly to grab onto his brother wanting him to be close. He was wrong. He didn’t want answers, he didn’t want the truth. He didn’t care if they hated him, if they thought he was an annoyance, a monster as long as they continued to pretend. As long as they pretended to love him as much as he already loved them. He loved his family even though they clearly didn’t love him but that was okay. They were all such brilliant actors – so good that Damian forgot that they were acting whenever he was around – they could all just play pretend. Even if it was just for a little while longer. Was that selfish? If they really didn’t want him around? Was he ruining their lives by continuing to hang on? If he really loved them he wouldn’t still be here, he should leave. They would all be happier if he ~~had died~~ was gone. They shouldn’t have to pretend for him. He had to stop being so selfish. He had to stop being a monster. He had to…

“Little D, Hey… It’s okay, come here” Richard pulled Damian out of Tim’s embrace and into his arms, the room was quiet and the teen was unsure how long he had been sobbing, it felt like a while though given how raw his throat and eyes felt but he didn’t care.

“Let’s go watch a movie BabyBat. Timmy, why don’t you go get us some hot chocolate and something sweet like cake or ice cream. You know what, why don’t you go get all three. It’s been one of those days right?”

Damian sniffed trying to calm down enough to inform Richard it wasn’t necessary – that he didn’t need them to pretend anymore, he wasn’t going to be selfish – but for the hundredth time that afternoon (and God, it was only afternoon. If felt like years had passed since he had arrived home from school) his voice failed him.

“Hey, it’s okay Dami. The others have gone to escort Talia out of the house, it’s just you and me okay. They’ll be back and we can have a super fun family movie night. Come on Dames look at me” Dick kissed his forehead when Damian didn’t respond, still trying to work up the willpower required to leave his older brother’s embrace.

As though hearing his thoughts Dick pulled away slightly to squat down so that they were face to face. “Dames, look at me. You know we love you right? B, your dad loves you to bits. When you… when it happened, we were all devastated Dami. We lost you, I lost you and I felt like I died that night too. And now you’re here and I … I want you to know that you can tell me anything okay? If you want to talk about anything you’ve remembered I’m here and if you don’t want to talk to me, then you can always go to one of the others. We are all here for you. Your dad will say the same thing when he gets back, he really does love you BabyBat. He would do anything for you”

Damian shook his head violently at the idea of talking to his father. He was so drained and the very idea of having his worst fears confirmed was too much for him to handle right now.

“Please don’t make me”

“Dames?”

His chest ached like he wanted to cry again but he had no more tears, no more energy. He just wanted to sleep and pretend that this never happened. He’d rather go back to school than be here right now.

“Can we just… I don’t want to… please.”

“Dami I think that you should talk to him, I think that…”

“Please Grayson, I really, really can’t now. Please don’t make me, please.” He knew he was whining like a child but he couldn’t face his father, he couldn’t face anyone. Not now.

“Dames, Trust me. You’ll feel better after you talk through whatever it is you’re feeling”

“I just want to sleep, can we do that. Please, I really, really can’t. Please, please don’t make me”

“Okay, BabyBat, let’s get you to bed” Dick sighed looking worn out and sad.

 

* * *

 

By some miracle, they didn’t encounter another soul as they made their way back through the corridor. Damian wasn’t sure if he could handle talking to anyone other than Richard at the moment and even that seemed to take more effort than he actually possessed.

They were both silent as they reached his room, and Damian climbed into bed not bothering to change his clothes. He didn’t care at this point, he just wanted this day to be over.

“Good night Dami, I’ll be downstairs if you need anything” Richard pulled the covers up before he leaned down and kissed Damian on the forehead.

“Richard” Damian called as the older boy started to head to the door “Do you think, I mean… I don’t want to … Can you… Don’t leave me, please…. I’m sorry, I know you don’t really … but there isn’t anyone else …forget it, I’m sorry” He felt tears he thought he didn’t possess make themselves known as he buried his face into his pillow. He was such a needy idiot. What the hell did he think he was doing? He had just said that he wasn’t going to be selfish anymore and here he was inconveniencing Richard once again.

 Stupid, stupid, stupid.  

Caught up in his head once again, Damian was surprised when he felt his bed depress slightly as the older boy got in under the covers beside him.

“If you need anything Dami, don’t ever hesitate to ask okay? It’s you and me. Always. I love you Babybat.” Richard whispered to him as the teenager shifted resting his head on the older boy’s chest allowing his brother’s heartbeat to lull him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :)


End file.
